The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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