Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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