Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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