I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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