I hate all girls vehemently.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
