i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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