I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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