Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
