if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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