you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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