Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
