okay pat passed out under dana's car
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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