hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
