i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
