Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
