dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
