i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize