he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
