Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
