I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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