I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
