There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
