So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
