You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
