Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
