sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
