Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
