I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i've created a new STD.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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