Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
