My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
