hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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