The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
