Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
