Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
