You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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