my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
