he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
