So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
