Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
