When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
