ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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