Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
