yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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