im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
