As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
