dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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