woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
