It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
