I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
