Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
