sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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