whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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