do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
