So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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