I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
