Whatcha textin bout Willis?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Text me some of your sweat
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
