allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
