He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
