I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
