Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize