so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We are all done wearing pants today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
