if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
