i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
