two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Congratulations! We have a period
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