Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
