I wish my penis had an off switch
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize