i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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