Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize