I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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