The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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