I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
