just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize