"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
