Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
