Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I only lived at night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
