I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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