I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
