I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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