We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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