her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
