If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
