Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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