I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
