How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
